Becoming Visible

1. 8
   Jan
   

   I just read a comment where someone talks about being the fat mom in her community and how her kids have started to notice. I don’t know if my kids have noticed or not, but I definitely do. I am a fat mom. I do not like being a fat mom. Correction: I do not like being a fat mom who is not working to become a fit mom. Right now,  I am still a fat mom, but am working hard at becoming a fit mom. Most importantly, I like being who I am right now. I am acting, not reacting.

   I have been going to the Y regularly since November, taking advantage of S’s willingness to go play with friends (read: go to Child Watch). I participated completed a 12 Days of Fitness Challenge during December and am registered for a 2010 Point Challenge for Jan and Feb. I missed two weeks due to vacation and family, but jumped right back in when we got home.

   I like the feeling of needing to wear a belt in my size 12 pants. It keeps me going, even when the scale is stuck. I like hopping on the stair master and starting my workout at level. I like being able to spend 10 minutes on levels 20-15 of the elliptical. I like that I sit a little taller as a result of 30 minutes on the rowing machine this week.

   For me, the white elephant in the room has always been food. I am more than willing to work out, but I have not been more than willing to change my eating habits. Recently, this too has begun to change. I am much more mindful of what I am eating. I am not sabotaging my exercise goals and outcomes by eating poorly as much as I have in the past. Today, for example, I decided to splurge at my favorite bakery. I had a coffee, and felt horrible for the rest of the day. Being mindful of my body and what I consumed, I was able to make the connection and realize that the trade-off is NOT worth it. The pleasant experience of drinking the coffee was completely overshadowed by the headache and other symptoms that followed.

   How this relates to my motto Act. Don’t React.: I am acting in my body’s best interests, and not reacting to negative news from a doctor. I am moving forward and focusing on what I can do now, and not wallowing in the past. I am acting with the tools and resources at my disposal and not reacting to the less than perfect circumstances in which I have to operate. I am consciously choosing to make this a priority and living with the consequences of that choice.